Follow me

Awhile back Andy brought home a book by David Platt called Follow Me a call to die a call to live. I immediately said I wanted to read it. I even attempted to during my short little bath times but it quickly made it's way back to my pile of other magazines and books I someday hope to read.  As a mom of two young girls it is hard enough to find time to think a coherent thought let alone read a book that takes some time and focus to really hear the words on the page.

Well tonight I picked it back up and to say I have been once again wrecked by what it means to follow Jesus is an understatement. I will admit it, I have, like many others, become distracted by the people and things around me; the mountain of "things to do", and my plain ol' selfishness. I have allowed things that mean nothing, to distract me from my everything!

In a time where follow me leans more to social media then it does Jesus, I feel it is a perfect time to take a step back to really look at how I am doing this life.

How does my life look any different from any other person (follower of Jesus to not)? Who is guiding my thoughts, my actions? Driving my will to do this or that? These are all simple yet important questions I am asking myself tonight.

When speaking on the many people of the world who claim the title "Christian" without really understanding (or maybe just not caring) about the gravity of what following Jesus really means, Platt tells this simple little story:

"Imagine you and I set up a meeting for lunch at a restaurant, and you arrive before I do. You wait and wait and wait, but 30 minutes later I still haven't arrived. When I finally do show up, completely out of breath, I say to you "I'm so sorry I'm late. when I was driving over here, my car had a flat tire, and I pulled over on the side of the interstate to fix it. While I was fixing it, I accidentally stepped into the road, and a Mack truck going 70 mph suddenly hit me head-on. It hurt, but I picked myself up, finished putting the spare tire on the car, and drove over here."

If this was the story I shared, you would know I was either deliberately lying or completely deceived. Why? Because if someone gets hit by a Mack truck going 70 mph, that person is going to look very different then he did before!"

Do I look any different today then when I fell in love with Jesus? I know the answer is yes, and I truly believe and love Jesus with every once of my being and feel that I have been blessed to understand His grace, but am I continuing to look more and more like Him or am I aiming to look like a warped image of who the world and my distractions have made Him out to be? It's not even that my distractions are bad, it's just that He is so much better!

We are coming up against a lot of questions in our home about how to best be effective for Jesus and how to love Him and others well. With those questions come a call to dare to be different and to ask and explore what this so called "different" means.

I don't have the answers to these questions but I know I want to walk the path of finding them and not just be okay surrounded by the pretty things.  I am starting my own journey of finding out how to really do the things Jesus is asking of me, do them well, and do them without fear.

Platt quotes from Oswald Chambers My utmost for His highest saying:

"Suppose God tells you to do something that is an enormous test of your common sense, totally going against it. What will you do? Will you hold back? If you get into the habit of doing something physically, you will do it every time you are tested until you break the habit through sheer determination. And the same is true spiritually. Again and again you will come right up to what Jesus wants, but every time you will turn back at the true point of testing, until you are determined to abandon yourself to God in total surrender...
   Jesus Christ demands the same unrestrained, adventurous spirit in those who have placed their trust in Him... If a person is ever going to do anything worthwhile, there will be times when he must risk everything by his leap in the dark. In the spiritual realm, Jesus Christ demands that you risk everything that you hold on to or believe through common sense, and leap by faith into what He says. Once you obey, you will immediately find that what He says is as solidly consistent as common sense.
   By the test of common sense, Jesus Christ's statements may seem mad, but when you test them by the trial of faith, your findings will fill your spirit with the awesome fact that they are the very words of God. Trust completely in God, and when He brings you to a new opportunity of adventure, offering it to you, see that you take it. We act like pagans in a crisis-- only one out of an entire crowd is daring enough to invest his faith in the Character of God."

Jesus promised that this life would not be without trials and hardship but he never once said in the midst of or in-between them that this life wouldn't be fun! Jesus demands a unrestrained, adventurous spirit in those who have placed their trust in Him, now that is how I want to live!

So here goes. A little less distracted by the petty things in order to leave plenty of room for that unrestrained + adventurous spirit to shine!

Can we all just admit that by having known Jesus and fallen for His way of life we have been ruined.

Ruined for the ordinary life!

Processing Mr. Banks...

Some girlfriends and I met this afternoon for a much needed fun, kid free, mama-movie-date. We all wanted to see Saving Mr. Banks (I think we all figured this was our chance since most our husbands were not jumping at the opportunity to see a movie about the "making" of Mary Poppins.)

I went into the theater with little knowledge of the movie and the expectation of some lighthearted fun. To be honest, I don't think I have ever even seen Mary Poppins the whole way through and really just went along for the good company of sweet friends. I did not though, bargain for the roller coaster of emotions that hit me at each scene of the movie and the intense thoughts, pictures, memories, and realizations that have swarmed me after.

This is not, I repeat NOT a fluffy film about the making of a Disney movie. This was a beautifully told story of real life actions, consequences, and the path that life takes to make us who we are!

In the two hours I sat in that uncomfortable chair, I saw bits of how I got to be who I am and the kind of mother I want to be!

You see, whether we like to admit it or not, we are greatly affected by the childhood we have. The family we are born into and the way we are raised set the very tone for the rest of our lives. Coming from the mindset of my own childhood this brings up a mixed bag of good and bad. Luckily, the memories of the good outweigh the bad but both emotions do still coexist. This is not about me though, I know there is far more to the story then how I was raised and who I have become. More then that I am overcome with thoughts of what my own Mother has gone through and who I am raising my own daughters to be.

I thought about breaking down each thought but realized in doing so I would be revealing things I have no right to speak on (at least at this point in my life.) So instead I just want to say a quick thought and encourage you to see the movie through your own background and lens.

What each person in this life has experienced is what sets them up for who they will become. For some it is generations of love and good and joys and for others it is not. P.L Travers reminded me so much of my own mom and watching the story of her with her dad showed me how one might become that way. 

To consider why someone is who they are is a beautiful gift we have to give. To not write them off for the actions they have (or lack there of) but to truly question, wonder, and ask is a responsibility we have in loving one another well. This movie showed me so clearly how one does not just wake up one day to be who they are: but took me on a two hour journey of how it can come to be. 

Find out more about that person in your life who holds so much mystery. Boldly ask them more about their story so that you can better understand them and in return love them well and meet them in that place where they need to be. (I write this from my own vulnerability. So Mom, if you are reading this, I want to know more and invite you to write and share things with me...)

Take the time to invest into peoples lives and go beyond the surface of who you think they are. There are events that lead us and people who change us:  each one leaving a lasting imprint on who it is we become. Our own words and actions also do the same for others so the responsibility is ours to be careful and thoughtful, because wounds run deep and impact so much more then our simple minds can see. (note: the entire movie is about just this!)

And lastly, do not give up on the ones you love even if you do not understand them. Be patient and pray and maybe, just maybe, like the film, you will see the whole picture and it will all make sense one day!

ok, Now Go, see the movie for yourself! And do not worry, there are PLENTY of laughs and light hearted moments to balance the intensity :)

well done Disney, so very very well done!

waiting: a season of unknown

Ever find yourself waiting? of course you do! Ever find yourself waiting for something and you are not even quite sure what that thing you are waiting for even is? well, thats me.

I am in a strange season right now. I feel as if we are headed somewhere and into something great, but I am so uncertain and in the dark as to what that something is. It's like we are on the cusp of something super special but have yet to get the okay from the Lord to dive on in!

I wish I could share that we had this amazing vision and have grand plans for whats ahead, but the truth is, we just don't. I search and pray, search and pray, and then do the same some more, and still we do not know what is around the bend.

Today I was reading in Mark and was silenced by the words that I read. It's words I have read time and time again but today I was in the posture to hear the words with a clear mind and pure heart and to receive them over mine and my families lives. Jesus spoke to this season of life and gave me a glimmer of what our focus should be, which was all about how it's not about me! He said "You do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns... whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will have it."

Have you heard these words before? I am sure you have... today I sit here thinking "what if, what if I actually owned these words over my life? left my comfort zone? was willing to go or do whatever God is leading us to? What if I took on Gods concerns over my own? Denied myself? what if..."

Man! Could Jesus really be possibly calling us to live out those words and own them as the purpose of our lives? Do you think He would ask us to really do these things??

YES!

and this fact makes me excited and terrified all in the same breath. I am ready to embark, to journey wherever he wants me. I want to take on His heart, His mind, His love, His character. I do not want to just be comfortable, I want to have life! 

Are you here with me? In a similar season? If so my friends, can I encourage you to wait with great expectation for the life he promises to give! He never says it's gonna be fun or easy, in fact Jesus compares it to following him into one of the most painful deaths known to man! But with that death to self comes a life that is far more then the simplistic views on life we are taught to have!

I am still in the dark about what is ahead and I very well may be for quite some time! Gods sense of time is quite different then ours. He sees the whole picture, is focused on establishing the characters, and is working on my best spot into this storyline of life.

So until these things are revealed  to me, I will continue to wait! pray, listen, love, learn to deny myself... and again, WAIT!

photo by justin sutter photography

fight

The topic at church the past few weeks has been "The Good Fight". An honest conversation about the dark and light and How Jesus is fighting for us and will not give up on us no matter how many times we are tricked, blinded, or deceived into believing we are not worth it or have just simply messed up too big this time...

Fight. this word has been resonating in my head a lot over the past 15 or so hours. I even had dreams last night that brought new meaning and depth to what it means to fight for what we believe in and fight for what we love.

What or Who in your life do you need to fight for? Our society has become so complacent in the sense that if some things do not come easily or naturally to us that we should just "move on" to the next thing because it was not meant to be.

What?? really?! Just give up like that!  Fighting is not easy my friends, It hurts! But if it is something worth fighting for, it is worth the pain!

I think about those last few moments of being in labor with Alomae. (giving birth is really a transforming moment that can be so relevant in many aspects of life) I was tired, my body was fatigued and I just wanted to give up and sleep... I wanted the discomfort to be gone but I didn't necessarily want to endure the pain it was going to take to get the most beautiful end result, my perfect baby girl. It was in that moment, I had to dig deep within, push through the pain and remember that, if I was willing, willing to endure for a moment longer and step outside of my own comfort, I would be forever changed!

Would you take a moment with me right now? would you quiet your heart and think about what in your life you are needing to set aside your own comfort and fight for? It may be the absolute hardest thing you have ever done, it may go against ever fiber of your being and you most likely will have to uncover some raw parts of yourself to get there. But what is that thing that stirs up in the pit of your stomach right now? That end result that is so beautiful in your head you think about it often but have yet to make the commitment to taking the hard road to get there...

Is it a relationship? is there someone in your life you need to Fight for? Do you need to let go of pride or insecurities or the fear of the raw emotions that come when we love so much and have to work on ourselves in order to best love or be loved?

Is it a dream or goal? Something you want to pursue so deeply but are scared of failure or the long uncertain road of what it takes to get you there?

My friends, I pray you muster up the courage to fight for the things that are true. The things God has put in your heart and life. Lean on the One who has the power to fully get you to the other side and do not give up in the hard moments along the way. Endure, push through the pain...

"and after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Chirst, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you."

none without purpose

My body is stressed. I can feel it and I can see it (my thumb was shaking uncontrollably while trying to scroll through my iphone today) Isn't it crazy how our thoughts and feelings manifest themselves in physical ways?! There is so much going on in my little world right now. Some happy, Some sad, but none without purpose.

I have always been a woman of great faith. Never doubting the reasoning behind the happenings in my life. Today I doubted though. My mind began spinning as I ran through all that I am facing... doubt is such an ugly ugly thing. 

James says "If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, without doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind." Today I have fully been riding a wave. A crazy, loud, out of control wave... As my head was spinning and thumb shaking I kept thinking "what on earth is happening to me!?!" this went on most of the day. It was not until this evening when the house was quiet and I was doing the dishes that I heard that still small voice "do you not trust me? have I ever let you down? do you believe in my love? I am in control.  have peace" And just as quickly as the stress came on, it disappeared to an overwhelming peace. 

The pit in my stomach is gone. 

I am no longer dizzy.

My thumb is still. 

Why do we ever doubt? It's such a waste of time. 

Tonight when Andy took Alomae on a little date to get frozen yogurt I even meant to ask him to stop by new seasons for me and pick me up some Rescue Remedy to help calm me down. I forgot to. Little did I know that God had his own rescue remedy in mind. 

His healing power far surpasses that of any herb, tincture, or medication.

Friends, are you doubting? Are you afraid? I was! Times are hard. I know we want to know the reasoning of why everything happens all the time, but the truth is, we are not meant to. Some things are meant to stay a secret to protect us and to increase our faith. Relinquish control and let go of fear. It is then that we can fully hear and fully see. And remember, none of this is without purpose, even if it's the hardest thing for you to believe...

learning

It's no secret that Poppy was not the easiest baby in the world. for the first 5-6 months or so I would say I struggled with the fact that my baby was just not as happy as I dreamt she would be (or compared to her big sister). 

but just like in life, the seasons change, there are mountains and valleys, and brighter days are always ahead. 

Poppy is so happy now! she is full of smiles and giggles and is such a JOY. 

I feel like my relationship with this baby is such a picture of life. That we must believe the best in the ones we love and wait patiently for them to come around. I could not force Poppy to be joyful, just like I cannot tell her to "roll over" or do anything else for that matter (and yes, she still does not roll.) 

Poppy is her own person. She deserves the space to work through things, grow, mature, and learn at her own pace. I am here to love her, guide her, protect her, and to pray! 

From the moment God placed her in my womb, I have had very little control. Sure, I had environmental control over what I ate, drank, and was around, but it was not my power or control that formed her into the beautiful little being she is today. She is her own person, and she let me know that from day one. She is a sensitive girl and sometimes she just needs her mama more then most. The more I accept that and appreciate it, the more I fall for her little crooked smile. 

I will be faithful and pray for my girls to find Jesus and Walk with Him. For them to learn to hear His voice and listen to it so that they can avoid some of the heartaches life has to offer. 

Friends, we cannot control the people in our lives. We can tell them what we want for them until we are blue in the face but it only hurts us in the end. Sometimes you have to just let go and relinquish the people you love to make their own choices and trust that Jesus is going to protect them. I walk with a mighty savior who knows the people I love so much more intimate then I. He created them, knows their thoughts, and has a creative life mapped out ahead. 

Love the people in your life. Do not give up on them. This does not mean enable them to do destructive things though. Sometimes the brightest Love is letting them lean on Jesus alone. Pray without ceasing and when they come back to you, welcome them back with big open arms. 

A New Year!

2012 is officially here!

A new Year filled with new blessings (and new trials I am sure)

There is something refreshing about entering into a new year for me.

this year my focus is 1 Peter 4:9

"show hospitality to one another without grumbling"

The Lord has been speaking this to me so much lately (not that I grumble too much) but to open my home and live truly in community.

It's been hard to fully open up my home since we live in such a tiny downtown space.

We actually got approved for a home loan a few months ago and have been looking for a home to buy... but neither of us felt great peace about buying

So I prayed!

I simply let God know (as if He didn't already) what I wanted in a home

and asked that whether by renting or buying He would supply our needs.

It was a modest list of things...

and they have been granted!

We are moving back to the suburban west side of town (this part out of obedience)

and will be renting a 3 bedroom ranch that we will call home for the next few years.

We both feel the need to work hard, save, and wait for the perfect home in the perfect location to come about and feel if we settle for what we can "afford" right now it would not be where we want/need to be.

I am beyond excited to live close to so many of our great friends!

The past two years have been spent living in an amazing location but with that came some isolation as well. I am ready to have room for my girls to play and run and to truly be able to open my home in a comfortable way and invite the people who the Lord has blessed us with in!

moving day is in 3 weeks!

a fun way to start the new year

first love

"Living close to Me requires making Me your First Love- your highest priority. As you seek My presence above all else, you experience peace and joy in full measure. I also am blessed when you make Me first in your life. While you journey through life in My Presence, My Glory brightens the world around you." -from Jesus Calling December 16th

spoken to me

I have been praying over some heavy things lately for someone in my life. Today I opened up my bible to Galatians and God clearly spoke these words to me.

"but now that you have come to know God , or rather to be known by God, how can you turn back again to the weak and worthless elementary principles of the world, whose slaves you want to be once more?" 4:9

"if anyone who is caught in a transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted." 6:1

one is reminding me that this person must be the one to turn away from their sin and the other encourages me to restore them in gentleness (which can be so very hard when you just want to tell them how it is...)

I am so very thankful for Gods word and how it shows me exactly how to think and what i must do. His word makes me such a more patient and loving person. All good in me most definitely comes from Him.

poppy grey- 1 month old

1 month and 1 day to be exact.

seriously, time flies...

Poppy,

every day you are more alert!

I feel like I am losing my little baby already.

stop growing so fast please :)

you are constantly looking around and lifting your head with more and more strength.

A few days ago, when you were weighed, you were 9 lbs 10.5 oz

so you are growing strong indeed!

Yesterday you gave me like 3 smiles which totally made my day!

there is nothing sweeter then your little face looking up at me

with complete trust and confidence.

You know your needs will be met and that with every cry, I will come.

The way I take care of you is special and is great.

and yes, I will always come when you cry...

but I want you to know, even at a tiny 1 month old

that you have a Savior, a Father in Heaven who will always

do the same (even far better then me) and so much more.

The picture you and I have of me caring for you and you

in utter dependance is simply a picture of us and Christ.

I pray you (and alomae) will come to love Jesus as much as your daddy and I do and trust Him with the biggest and smallest of things.

I have so much enjoyed this past month with you and feel

so honored and blessed to be your Mama!

(but seriously, stop growing so fast!)

love you baby girl!

to my girls...

God knew you before He made you

God has been with you from the start- in fact, from well before the start.

your existence is not random, nor is it an accident. God knew who he was creating,

and he has designed you for a specific work.

you were created "to do good works, which God prepared in advance for you to do"

~~~

I am reading "Crazy Love" by Frances Chan right now and when I read over the words

above he was speaking to me, I could not hep but think of you, my sweet girls.

I hope these words resonate in you from a young age. You were both a well thought out plan

created and put into form by the creator if the universe.

Your life has a purpose and has had one since long before you were growing inside me.

I am here to love you, guide you, and support you

but it is Jesus who knows the plans for you and who I will

always point you in the direction of.

Even as your mama I simply do not know it all,

not even what is best for you.

I promise to always seek Gods will for your life for I know you

were created by Him and for Him.

I feel so honored to get to share in that miraculous truth as

your mama.

I love you.

no words.

"O Lord you hear the desire of the afflicted; you

will strengthen their heart, you will incline your ear

to do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed

so that man who is on earth may strike

terror no more"

psalm 10:17-18

brings me back to this day

earthquake/tsunami 3.11.11

japan

received and recorded

Delayed answers to prayers are not refusals.

Many prayers are received and recorded yet underneath are the words,

"My time has not yet come."

God has a fixed time and a ordained purpose and He who controls the limits

of our lives also determines the time of our deliverance.

Streams in the Desert

January 24th

.being reminded of this brings me so much peace- hold on to the promises of God

carry them without doubting

and know that He will fulfill them in His perfect time,

in the most beautiful of ways.

christina

for updates and how you can be praying for my dear friend Christina

visit her website

here

lets keep her lifted up..

tina TEENAH tiiiiina Christina

meet my wonderful, beautiful, funny, loving ( i could go on and on...)

dear friend,

Christina!

3 years ago in September 2007 there was a cancerous tumor found in Christina's

brain. They immediately removed the tumor and Christina endured a long road of radiation

that has kept her cancer at bay.

well, there has been some tumor re-growth and my dear Tina

is going into brain surgery tomorrow morning at 7:30am!

Will you pray?

some specifics are:

*supernatural peace & rest

*for quick identification & removal of tumor cells

*no injury to healthy brain matter

*quick recovery without headaches, disorientation, dizziness and muscle weakness

Christina is one of the funnest, kindest people you will ever meet...

during this journey, she has never complained but simply trusted the Lord and

His will in her life...

She is a true testimony of being joyful amidst the trials, rejoicing in suffering, and

living in Gods unbelievable peace.

Please, Share Christina's story and encourage others to

Pray

it moves the hand of God after all...

words from Tina...

“My only prayer through this is that God is glorified. I pray that he is seen through me as I walk this journey.”

"Your prayers are what has made this experience one of unnatural joy, peace, and absolute rest in His sovereignty"

“May your heart be drawn closer to God. That is my only prayer. And THAT makes all this worth it.”

“You have created me "for such a time as this."... and I accept it and embrace it only in your strength.”

"Filling out a medical form: What is your condition: Brain Tumor
What have you done for this so far: Tylenol, Ibuprofen, Massage, Physical Therapy, Nothing has helped "

-Christina

www.christinaahmann.com