happy birthday alomae. your birth story. a day i'll never forget

i remember that day like it was yesterday
where did the year go?
i remember going to jim and patty's for coffee cake the morning before
and feeling SO very swollen all day and thinking "i can't do this much longer"
that night daddy was at a blazer game so i decided to watch a little friday night lights
on netflix and head to bed early.
at 2:45am i woke to my water breaking. at first i thought i was going to the bathroom
on accident but soon learned it was much bigger then that ;)
it took 3-4 try's to wake daddy up, i just kept saying his name and finally he was like "huh?"
i told him my water broke and he jumped up so fast and asked what he was suppose to do.
i told him to just get me a towel. he did. and then he went back to bed (per my request) i put it underneath me and tried to go back to sleep. i couldn't. around 3:00 am i went and hung out in the bathroom, just waiting for the water to stop. i sent a text to your auntie autumn who lives 3 hours away letting her know my water had broke but no contractions yet. i sent a text to
our midwife adele as well. i decided i would kill time and try and put on some makeup to make myself presentable. Ha!
2 seconds into that my contractions started. hard. i started to put warm water in the bathtub and hopped in and
began texting again. autumn got into the car and headed south. I told adele not to come yet. the next 4 hours are a complete
blur. i progressed very fast and was completely dilated by 7:30 am. i remember daddy making me a smoothie. i remember adele showing up and looking up at her and her telling me it was snowing outside. i remember moving to the birth tub set up in the nursery. and thats about it. at 8 am i could feel your head about a half inch in and i realized then that you had lots of hair. i thought you would be here any minute. autumn showed up and so did my other midwife joey. everyone was there. and then i fell asleep! yes, i fell into a deep sleep while hanging out in the water. every 15 min i would have a pushing contraction and then fall asleep again. the room was quiet. (except i could hear people texting on their phones!) adele was knitting, everyone else just sat there. i felt so bad for them, how boring. i switched positions now and then from sitting/leaning back to hands and knees. but mostly i just slept. and dreamed. and slept. at 12:15 is when my life changed. i was so tired of waiting. i finally felt like i could get you out and i leaned over the tub and pushed! and there you were. the most beautiful thing i had ever seen. first words out of my mouth were "she's so cute!" and you really are!

you have been such a joy and delight to be with for the past year. i feel so honored that God trusted me to be your mama.

alomae james zielinski
1/25/09
12:15pm
7 lbs 10 oz
19.5 in long
PERFECTION

reflecting...

Oh Alomae

I am in reminiscing mode as I reflect on this very week last year!

I was BIG- scratch that- HUGE!!

I was swollen

it was cold and I had to wear flip flops because my feet did not fit in my shoes

on this day last year I was at your baby shower

I had just finished work and was waiting for you to come

your birth tub was set up in your bedroom

tea-lights on the window sill

your presence was always known

I could feel you in my ribs and below

I was nervous and excited

happy and scared

I would daydream about what you looked like

hair or no hair?

(you had a ton of hair!)

big or small?

(7 lbs 10 oz- not too bad for 2 weeks early!)

This time last year I was a different person

I had not become a mama yet

you made me better

you gave me meaning

I loved you this time last year

BUT

I love you so much more now!

*I will reflect more on your birth on your actual birthday!

You're almost "1" sweet girl!

I love you

tears for babies & loving His people

I just spent some time today listening to NPR and on CNN.com catching up and informing myself about the devastation of the earthquake in Haiti. I usually blog about my sweet girl and what she's up to, or share a photo or two-you know, keep it light. But tonight I feel anything but light- in fact my heart is downright heavy right now. I watched clip after clip of beautiful babies & children sleeping outside, crying, fear stricken. I think about their mothers, if they are still alive, and how they must feel having their babies touched by the elements, without shelter, without a bath before bedtime, fresh jammies, their favorite blanky...

There are bodies being scooped up by bulldozers as if they were trash on the side of a New York City street being thrown into mass graves- then to be covered with dirt and more bodies thrown on top- never to be identified, never to be said goodbye to. I just went in and peeked on alomae, she is sleeping soundly in her crib wrapped in a warm blanket with her night light on. She did not have to cry herself to sleep or go to sleep hungry, she got to lye in her mama's arms and nurse... When she wakes in the morning and finds herself alone, she will make a couple noises and I will be there... She will not have to wonder where I am or if I'll ever come back. She will join me in my bed and we will snuggle like we do every morning. Before I had alomae, I didn't fully understand the innocence of a child- but now I have the innate instinct to protect! What saddens me most is that, not just since tuesday have babies been on their own... There are millions upon millions of babies (and by babies I mean children of many ages) all around this earth God has entrusted us with, hungry, alone, who do not even bother crying anymore because they know nobody will come... whose parents have; died, were scared, misled, uneducated, young... Until you are a parent, I'm not sure you can truly understand the devastation of this. Not until you can fully replace those faces with the face of your own babe and imagine them in those circumstances... then it becomes too real... Andy and I have always wanted to adopt (In fact Andy was adopted himself into a beautiful family) and now more and more I want to make it a reality. There is a hole in my heart for those babies... those children without homes. My heart equally aches for their mama's. I know they hurt so bad. even if it was their choice to be apart from their child... there is a bond there that cannot be broken.

So now, as I get ready to crawl into my own warm bed, in my nice home with all the comforts and luxury a girl could need... I will spend time seeking what the Lord might have me do. We ALL have a part in this crisis- not just the crisis of Haiti- but the crisis of tears, hate, loneliness, homelessness, heartbreak, hopelessness, anger, fear...( the list goes on and on and on) it all comes down to the same thing one way or another. We all will spend time on this earth one way or another. It may be but a second or 100+ years... What are we doing with that time and Who are we doing it for? There is a God, Savior, Redeemer out there way bigger then any natural disaster, more precious then any baby, kinder then the kindest of soul... He is real, and He has life for us to live... life beyond the superficial day to day motion many of us face... Look at the pictures of these beautiful faces- He loves them so... Will you join with me in loving His people? do what we can to make a difference that truly matters? Lets put the good news into practice so someday He can properly welcome His children home...

goodnight